Are You Ready? 7 Essential Questions to Ask Yourselves Before Getting Married
If you’ve been dating for a while, the idea of committing for life will begin to appear. At this point, you will think that you know your partner well enough, and we rarely think of the possible outcomes of getting married, like divorce.
However, it’s possible to overcome your relationship storms with a good foundation and not get to this point. This is why you both need to have a moment of self-reflection, hold candid and open discussions, and ask all the hard questions before settling down together.
Here are some of the fundamental questions that a certified family law attorney in Philadelphia recommends that couples ask themselves to see if they are on the right path:
1. Are You Financially Compatible?
Money is the top source of conflict in most relationships, and it’s necessary to agree on this subject. This is not wholly dependent on how much you earn but on how both of you manage your finances individually. Some of the crucial things to ask yourselves are:
- How will you share your expenses?
- What are your spending habits, and can they be adjusted?
- Will you have an individual or a joint savings plan?
In most cases, if you’re not financially independent before marriage, chances are your transition into marriage may be very hard. This is why you need to be clear on your financial goals and if you’re not financially independent, have a plan for your financial independence at least before marriage.
2. Do You Want Children?
This is one subject that should not be overlooked since it brews a lot of conflicts. Some things you need to ask yourselves are:
- How do you handle a situation in which one partner doesn’t want kids?
- How many kids will you have?
- How will you address fertility issues?
- Are you open to adoption?
Ask yourselves all these questions and face all the answers now before it is too late.
3. How Do You Resolve Disagreements?
As much as you love your partner, conflicts will always come up from time to time. How you both handle them is what matters most. Therefore, it is vital to evaluate your conflict resolution habits and see if there are ways that you can improve them. The questions to ask concerning conflict resolution are:
- Is there a partner who walks away from a conflict?
- Do you have a specific type of arguing style?
- Who apologizes first during an argument?
You need to learn some conflict resolution communication skills before you get married. Honest and respectful communication builds healthy marriages, and there is no long-term way to avoid this.
4. Are You Content With Your Partner as They Are?
No one is perfect! If you expect your partner to change magically over some things that you don’t like, then think again! The will to change something has to come from them and not you. So, do not get into marriage thinking you can change who your partner is and accept that they may remain that way for a lifetime.
If you choose to marry someone, take them for who they are. Make sure that you can live with it, and always remember that it is your partner’s choice to make the necessary adjustments.
5. What Are Your Reasons for Getting Married?
Are you getting married out of fear of being alone, or will you be ready to stick with your partner, for better, for worse? If you’re not prepared to stick with your partner both in the good and the bad times, then marriage is not for you. Marriage life will not always be a bed of roses, so ensure that you’re getting married for the right reasons.
6. How Intimate Are You?
Intimacy in this context refers to compatibility more than sex. Compatibility levels are critical in determining whether your relationship will work out in the long run. Otherwise, if you’re both not compatible, you will always feel mismatched, feel less content and feel like your partner is dragging you down. This will be a constant brew to conflict. Some things that you can check to determine if you’re intimate with your partner are:
- Do you enjoy each other’s company?
- Can you talk to your partner freely about some topics?
- Do you know most of the details of the life of your partner?
- Can you openly share your fears and secrets?
Have an honest reflection about your lives and answer all these questions truthfully.
7. What Are Your Expectations?
Every setup in life builds up expectations. In most cases, your partner will mostly come up with a preset mind of certain expectations. List down your expectations and explore all the possible outcomes just in case it doesn’t work out.
Most successful marriages exist because of reasonable expectations. So, have a sit-down with your partner and determine if you can meet each other’s expectations realistically and without much struggle.
Do not be a person who gets married in the heat of emotions. Instead, take your time, explore all the realities that come in marriage, and be honest with yourself. You may not agree on everything, but make sure that you don’t put yourself in a position of regret.
About the Author
Veronica Baxter is a writer, blogger, and legal assistant operating out of the greater Philadelphia area. She frequently works with Lee A. Schwartz Esq. a busy family law attorney in Philadelphia.