Gay Bride Diaries

Dearly Beloved,

So I’ve been watching the new episodes of “Orange is the New Black” on Netflix. Is orange really the new black? Charlize Theron wore orange at one of the Oscars, back when I used to watch them. Of course she looked good. But who really looks good in orange? Or looks good as orange? Orange is not a natural skin tone, even for Bart Simpson. He’s yellow. For the ones with “white” skin, there weren’t any “peach” markers in the small crayola pack, so as kids we had to resort to orange for skintone when drawing people. For some reason I drew my dad with a green mustache. It always looked green to me.

 

Random Wedding thought of the week:

If the new comfort trend is wearing tennis shoes with a wedding dress, what other comforts can you get away with? Granny panties? No bra?

 

Quote from my memoir, “Diary of a Gay, Pregnant Bride”:

“I’m going to put my wig on later,” she said. “Did you tan or something? You look orange.”

“Ah, thanks, Mom. I know. It looks awful,” I said, looking in the mirror on the wall at my first spray tan.

 

Questions to Consider:

How tan do you really want to look? If your partner is quite white and you tan and they don’t, you may make them look porcelain. Definitely try out the spray tan way before the wedding to make sure what level you look good at and what’s too dark. Or in my case, too orange. I don’t recommend trying it at home. Go to a professional place. And your white wedding gown will have some orange stains on the inside. When in doubt, just be natural. And watch that episode of Friends with Ross in the spray tan place.

 

Did you know?

A lot of couples in Ireland, Vietnam, and many other countries don’t take the last name of their spouse after they marry.

 

Good Advice:

Prenuptial agreements are always a good idea. Just because you love someone and plan to love them forever, doesn’t mean you can trust someone forever. Don’t take my word for it, especially since I usually trust people more often than not, but look at the divorce statistics. Just cover your butt now so you don’t regret later. And like my dad used to say, “It’s Murphy’s Law. If you don’t do it, you’ll need it. And if you do it, you won’t.”

 

Pride, Passionfruit, and Prenups,

Kelly

www.diaryofagaypregnantbride.com

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Two Lesbian Brides child artwork