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Gay Bride Diaries

Dearly Beloved,

So this August is the two year anniversary of my legal marriage, and others in the states of Minnesota and Rhode Island. As you know, so much has happened for gay couples nationally since then and marriage is on everyone’s mind whether you’re with someone or not, whether you want to get married or you’re thinking about “not marriage” or “not planning a wedding.” So let me give you some ideas of how to plan for a wedding and how to “not plan.”

Random Wedding thought of the week:

Has there ever been a wedding with only fake flowers for bouquets? I want to know how that turned out. Not sure fake flowers would have that grand of an appearance.

Quote from my memoir, “Diary of a Gay, Pregnant Bride”:

“It was this moment that not only would be stamped in my memory, as every first time bride, but would also be a documented part of history, the snapshot heading straight to the Minnesota Historical Society. It was this moment I pledged my love to the woman I was marrying for the second time, first time legally, and first time in front of television station cameras, newspaper reporters, and the mayor of Minneapolis. Donna, my partner, our son, Todd, our two witnesses, and I stood with Mayor R.T. Rybak on the steps of City Hall, catching flashes of cameras in our eyes like a red carpet event. One hand held Donna’s and one hand held my pregnant belly of seven months. Feeling like a celebrity, I looked out into the crowd that filled the atrium and the other gay couples waiting for their chance to become legal. It was 2:14 a.m. on August 1st, 2013.”

Questions to Consider:

What would be different if we never married but stayed together? Emotionally, mentally, physically, psychologically, financially, legally, medically, socially, sexually, occupationally, philosophically? There’s at least some things that would be different, no?

Did you know?

Minneapolis Mayor R.T. Rybak had to stall on the steps of City Hall marrying the first couple because he legally couldn’t pronounce them married until the stroke of midnight on August 1st, 2013. (The first couple’s ceremony went a few minutes faster than planned).

Good Advice:

So there needs to be some planning for sure and some things can just fall into place without having to absolutely be planned. Here are 3 things I recommend you have planned for sure:

1) You do need a specific venue or at least a last minute backup venue. Obviously your witnesses and the person marrying you needs to know where to show up. Remember in Friends when Ross was marrying Emily and the building they were supposed to get married in was torn down early and in rubble? They still cleared out the bricks and set up candles and got married there anyway. We planned our first wedding in Hawaii, but my mother was too sick to go so we switched it to her backyard, but the grass was wet that morning so we switched it to her porch. Just remember that wherever you get married it doesn’t have to be special-just the fact that you get married there will make the place special.

2) The ceremony with a person to officiate it is one thing that leaving out will just make the marriage a gathering or saying of vows. If you want legal (make sure you have a marriage certificate also, though you can apply for that after).

3) Plan to have a camera and a back up, because memories do fade and who wants to regret not being able to look back on the happiest or craziest day of their life?

There is always a substitution for everything else…well, besides your bride or groom…or maybe there is….You can make a last minute ring made out of a bridesmaid’s hoop earring, a lighter or match instead of a candle, a moment of silence for a missing loved one. No dress? No problem. You can get married in anything (depending on the location). No music? There’s always the human voice. And it’s common nowadays to not have a wedding cake. So do it your way. Less planning, less headaches, less money (unless you opt for something big last minute, then you may be stuck with last minute extra charges). Good luck! Oh, and if someone you know has had a last minute wedding or one with no or bad planning, write to me and tell me about it! I want to hear and may share it in my next blog.


Pride, Planning, and Peonies,


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Twitter @GayBrideDiaries

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