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Dearly Beloved,

If you don’t know me by now, I’m the gay, pregnant bride. Of course you’re only a bride for about 9 hours, and pregnant for about 9 months. And if you’re a Pridezilla, well, there’s a lot of planning involved in a wedding, and if your spouse is the same sex, well there’s a lot of planning involved in a pregnancy too.

So speaking of this planning, how can we make it easier without paying tons of bucks for Jennifer Lopez’s character in The Wedding Planner to do all the work for us? Let me share some strategies I used, like my list I wrote in my memoir, “Diary of a Gay, Pregnant Bride.” Ceremony, Invitations, Dress, Video, Food, Shoes, Photos, Hair, Flowers, Candle, Cake, Music, Rings…..

Of course there are more little items like wedding favors, etc., but those are the big general ones I used.
One: Make a list. Make it a checklist so when something is done you can cross it off. Not only does that help visually, it really feels good to check things off.
Two: Divide the list up amongst the people helping you. Doing more yourself is more work, but it also can cause less disagreements. And the thing I’ve learned in life, is if you want something done, and done your way, you’re going to have to do it yourself.
Three: Write the deadline of when you have to get it done, and write when you are planning to have time to do it. Stick to your schedule and stick to your deadlines. And DON’T make the deadline the latest deadline possible. Give yourself some extra days.
Four: Don’t stress out, expect 40% of the process not to go your way, so when some of it doesn’t go your way, you won’t be so disappointed.

Random Wedding thought of the week:
Isn’t it weird that…as a child I loved the colors of the rainbow and became an artist and thought when I got married some day I would have the wedding party each wear a different color of the rainbow, and there would be six couples, and the first one would be red, then orange, and so on, until the flower girl and she would be purple…and then I ended up having a gay wedding and ironically the rainbow is the gay symbol for Pride. Weird or what?

Dream of the week:
I dreamed I was an Elizabethan queen and married to the Frankenstein monster, but he didn’t know he was the monster.


Quote from my memoir, “Diary of a Gay, Pregnant Bride”:
“For me, planning my wedding only confirmed I’m more anal and controlling like my mother than I thought; however, those two qualities do produce a decent final product. It seemed my mother’s product was me. My product was the wedding.”

Questions to Consider:
Would you do business with a friend? How do you negotiate price when things get awkward? What if the business is bad, will you lose the friendship?
I worked with my friend’s wedding company for flowers, hair, makeup. We’ve known each other since we were six. If we hadn’t, I’m not sure I would use a friend’s business. If they are offended by you not asking to use them as a wedding vender, tell them simply you don’t do business with friends because it’s not worth the friendship. Remember on Friends when Phoebe offered to sing at Monica’s wedding and they didn’t want her to? (My spouse loves to reference Friends. Sometimes I forget they aren’t her real friends). What if you have a friend who does photography but their photos are bad and they offer anyway? Tell them you went with someone your spouse had already talked to. Need more excuses? Message me and I’ll send you some, I can’t post all my excuses or someone might catch on! My friend’s wedding business:

Did you know?
The country with the most weddings is Turkey. Does it also have the most divorces? Probably not…

Good Advice:
Always listen to your mother. Doesn’t mean you have to do what she says.

Pride, Passion, and Patience,
Follow Kelly on Facebook: Diary of a Gay,Pregnant Bride
Twitter @GayBrideDiaries

About the Author:

Kelly Frankenberg is an artist, writer, teacher, and activist. She has illustrated several published children’s books and her first book, a memoir titled, “Diary of a Gay, Pregnant Bride,” comes out June 2015. Kelly also writes song lyrics, poems, comic books, screenplays, and fiction. Her artwork has appeared on Extreme Makeover: Home Edition, Fox National News, Kare 11, Public Television, in short films, newspapers, on windows, walls, and mailboxes. You can view her other books, blogs, and artwork at and

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