“I wish we were able to plan this wedding on our own schedule” said my husband David. A statement that would definitely come from him and not me.

My husband, you see, is extremely talented at, well…everything. He acts, writes, sews, cooks, bakes, decorates and even cut my hair for about the first ten years of our relationship (we’ve been together for over 22 years and legally married for over 6 – sorry for all the math, but there’s more coming up). Every decision that involves a talent for the visual is directed by him, as I have no such talent. If it were up to me, we’d be living in an apartment filled with mismatched bachelor furniture.

Let me just start by saying that I loved our wedding. It was a small affair, with our family and close friends attending. It was held at our house and officiated by a non-denominational officiate. Afterward, we went to one of our favorite Italian restaurants, had a small, beautiful reception, went back to our place and had cake, purchased as a wedding gift by my best friend and his partner. All of this wonderful experience was generously paid for by my incredible mother and father-in-law.

Our planning, however, was marred by two major setbacks. Timing and bigotry. You see we were what I call a “Window Marriage”. We were married in between a Federal Court judge’s decision that a ban on marriage equality was unconstitutional and the period of allowing voters to decide whether or not our marriage would stand. Also known as the infamous “Proposition 8”. We not only planned a wedding, which could possibly be decimated within months, but we knew we had to get married within an 8 month time period. Looking back, it seems so absurd.

In preparation for this article, I asked my husband what he would do differently if we had the time to plan a “dream wedding” without ridiculous time challenges hanging over our heads.

In his own words here is what my talented husband said:

“When Sean and I were married, we were a bit under the gun to get it done before the Election Day 2008 when, ultimately, all same-sex marriages were put on hold while it was battled over the next 5 years. Our wedding was very special. It was in our home with our family and closest friends, which was more than I had even bargained for. I was ready to just go to City Hall, but our families insisted otherwise and we’re glad they did.

However, if I had it to do over again I would like to have a wedding like this…

Black tie, formal affair. More of a cocktail party than a wedding. Guests would arrive about 7:00 in the evening to a venue with a spectacular roof top view of the city. Food and drinks would be available at different stations offering everything from dim sum to mini tacos. There would be a large dance floor and a DJ. Music would be a collection of old-time standards, 80’s pop and current artists. Once everyone was there, I would take Sean by the hand, walk him to the center of the dance floor where FIRST we would dance to our song, “More Than Words” by Extreme and then we would exchange vows in a short and sweet ceremony. Then we would dance to the first song we ever danced to “Touch Me” by Cathy Dennis and we’d get the party started. From then until the end of the night it would just be eating, drinking and dancing with all of our friends and family. A party to celebrate the life we created and the people who are part of it.”

I told you he was visually artistic!

Once again, I loved my wedding, but one cannot help feel that the robbing of time from a gay couple as a result of legal wrangling involving court deadlines for agendas denying rights is a clear block in any sort of long-term nuptial planning.

So, as I watch one state after another topple these ridiculous bans and bring forth final marriage equality for themselves I see many of my friends making long term plans for their dream weddings. With all the beautiful touches of flowers, decorations, DJ’s, bands, buffets and all the other extravagances.

Extravagances, which we are finally winning. And deserve as equal citizens of this country.

Go ahead and plan. There is time. Time earned.

Sean Chandler is a happily married award-winning writer, podcaster and activist. Of his projects, “At The Flash”, a play co-written with his husband David Leeper and under the direction of David Zak, had it’s World premiere in Chicago at the Center on Halsted’s Hoover-Leppen Theatre, West Coast premiere at the Celebration Theatre in West Hollywood and European premiere at the International Dublin Gay Theater Festival where it was nominated for the Oscar Wilde New Works Award for 2014. Sean can also be heard as Ace Lundon’s co-host on the “Lundon Calling Empty Closet Series” podcast.

He is a proud member of the Dramatist Guild and Pride Films and Plays Writers Network. For more information visit: