The Perfect Wedding!

Open Scene

The scene opens with the camera rolling past the travertine paved grand driveway, lined with luscious topiaries, to the 10 foot tall rod iron Victorian french doors of the Cliff Side Hotel and Wedding Venue.  Inside, the  large open foyer is draped in royal purple, canary yellow, and sea foam green damask silk fabric. Large floral arrangements of white hydrangeas,  lilacs, and yellow roses are placed throughout the opulent foyer and at the bottom of the grand staircase leading to the second floor reception hall. Outside, the guests are seated on rustic handcrafted chiavari chairs facing the altar decorated in complimenting floral and fabric accents. The ceremony site is illuminated from the reflection of the sun kissed waters of the ocean. The air is filled with the aroma of pineapple lemongrass scented candles, and the guests are welcomed with imported Spanish wine poured in hand blown crystal goblets as they wait to witness the beautiful union to take place.

The camera cuts to the groom’s dressing room and there’s absolute chaos! 30 minutes before the ceremony and no one can find Groom #1’s shoes, the best man hasn’t arrived or checked in, and the frantic head chef enters the room covered in cake frosting with a look of complete and utter distress on his face. Groom #2’s mother is drunk, passed out, and snoring on the dressing room chaise, while the Grooms’ dog is proudly marking his territory on her red stilettos. Groom #2 enters the room with a defeated look holding his bow-tie in three pieces. Two of the wedding party members are wrestling each other to the ground from the drunken stupors of the bachelor party the night before. Groom #1’s sister is chasing her 4 year old son, who is running around the room waving the flower basket like The Queen waving to her subjects. The camera focuses and closes in on Groom #1’s horrified face as he is standing defenseless in the middle of this perfect wedding.

End Scene.

Sounds like the making of a perfect wedding, right? Those of us who’ve had the chance to go through this rite of passage know the making of a wedding can be infuriatingly chaotic. Trust me, I cried when my decorator disagreed with me over placement of the tablecloth on the cake table. “Why are you ruining my life?” I screamed and fell to the floor!
As a groom or bride, who is heavily vested (emotionally and financially), this is the most important day of your life and you will attempt to ensure every detail is perfect. However, during this pivotal period in your life, you will become vulnerable, your emotions will run wild, and your trust in people (and even the people themselves) may be punted out the window (no one is exempt; not even your own mother). So what do you do? REMAIN CALM BITCH!

Hi, I’m Neil.  Many of you may have seen my wedding to my gorgeous husband Eli when our picture rapidly trended on the internet by Facebook, Buzzfeed, LGBT forums and other news outlets. Even though the wedding pictures didn’t portray it, the chaos you just read is quite similar to what I endured during my wedding. My wedding win: my guests enjoyed a beautiful four-day Indian wedding without noticing any of the blemishes in planning. My wedding failure:I was exhausted doing it all. Focusing on the ceremonial ritual details, vows, groom tasks, and planning for all the little details a fabulous four-day gay Indian wedding requires, simply took over my life and sanity. Even though I had help from Eli, our friends, and some family (Oh the drama there! That’s for another blog) there were just too many details to focus on while getting ready to be a groom, working full time, and keeping a good relationship with my fiancé. There were points I wished I had hired a coordinator, but I had a hard time giving up control. As a bride/groom we have a sense of difficulty releasing control. We want our big day to be perfect and many of us are too stubborn to let anyone else control our day to shine.

When we decide to embark on this lovely endeavor, we tend to lose ourselves in emotions. Many brides and grooms tend to personalize or even emotionalize everything (this is where the bridezillas and the groomzillas are born). There were points during my wedding where my emotions were so fragile I even openly voiced “Why does ‘this person’ not want me to have my happiness. Why can’t they just do what I ask? (With tears flowing down my cheeks like the holy river in India)”. Not only was I on the defense because of the “possibility” of receiving  negative responses from vendors on my interracial same-sex Indian wedding, but also managing family drama of marrying a non-Hindu white male! After pulling off my perfect wedding, I took a vow of helping those getting ready to take the plunge (straight or LGBT). So they wouldn’t go through the “wedding planning hell” I went through. Weddings are simple. The people make it complicated.

My first advice to you: breathe. Things are going to go wrong and people have lives outside of your wedding (I know, I know. Seems like a fable but its true.). Don’t personalize everything. Workout regularly to de-stress (punch a punching bag rather than members of your wedding party). Check your emotions periodically; it’s always a good idea to have a non-biased trusted friend (not involved in the wedding party) to bounce your emotions off of. Most importantly, relax and enjoy your big day. Before you know it, the moment will have passed. Let someone else worry about the details for you.

Stay tuned for more, as I partner with Pridezillas.com for a series of articles on: announcing your same-sex wedding to your families, wedding planning, vendor management and coordination, wedding styles, integrating inter-faith wedding ceremonies, negotiating with terrorists…I mean your wedding party, etc. I look forward to hearing your stories and providing you with the best recommendation for the most important day of your life. Congratulations and good luck!

About the Author:
Neil Singh is Healthcare IT Consultant who also consults as an independent wedding consultant. Neil and Eli gained internet fame around the world after their 2014 Same-Sex Indian Wedding in California. Neil can be reached at neilandeli@gmail.com. You can follow Neil and Eli on Facebook and YouTube, and you can also follow me on Tumblr: NeilandEli.tumblr.com

Best

Neil G. Singh
MBA, RT (R), CRT